Another Day of Flurries....Another Cold Day

Another Day of Flurries..

First I want to give a shout out to all that have been commenting on my blogs. I feel its such a success rate already just based on the comments you all have been posting.

I wanted to check in tonight, as we all know the Mayan Calendar said the world was ending today and praise the Lord it didn't. Not that I believed it would happen anyways. Like I have said before, Bi Polar disorder has many stages. Last night I didn't sleep a wink, so yes I am exhausted writing this.

I have no money this year to spend on gifts. Due to my foot injury at work, I had to leave on Workman's comp. And of course, 4 months after the incident, I still don't have a dime, because we are still working off a settlement. I also can not return to work, because the HR director LIED and said she did not see my injury. Why would I want to work for them now anyways? So I finally got the go ahead from my lawyer to file for unemployment. My company still has not sent me a letter of termination so I can't look for another job until then. It's a pain in the ass story and I am still waiting for it to be resolved.

So I am Broke. Broke to the point I am going to couch cushions to find change. My friends want to get together over the Christmas break, and I feel horrible because I can't join them. I hate this. I hate that I could only buy for my immediate family. And yet, others still continue to buy for me and again I ask why?

I am not a special person. In fact, during the time of my substance abuse, I was so depressed, I didn't want to look at medical bills, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to go to bed. I was lazy. There I said it. LAZY. I became a person I didn't want to be. And those damn nights always killed me. It pissed me off that I hated myself so much, that I didn't believe in love from any other source. I felt I didn't deserve it.

I want to start my own chapter of health and wellness with mental disability clinic. Just a cozy place where you can come and talk and vent and if need be Scream. However, I can't afford a facility because my credit is so bad and I wouldn't want anyone to pay for being a part of that. Society needs to accept MENTAL ILLNESS DOES EXIST. You may not been diagnosed but many people go through it. This is a problem. This is why there are drug problems. This is why there are divorces. There are many reasons things happen and its because no one wants to admit that they have certain issues.

It's okay to come out and say something is wrong. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. I finally realized that just a few days ago and that's how this blog came about. I am accepting my disease and I want to learn as much as I can about it and hopefully help others along the way. It took me 7 years, but here I am, pouring my heart out to strangers and old acquaintances. If I can just help one person that's all I care about. Please feel free to contact me at katiequinn20@yahoo.com to talk. I have no problem giving my number out. I know some people feel alone especially at Christmas, but I am here to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Thank you Love One and All

Katie