Christmas is all around us....

It's Morning Again....

I can't help but feel sad for people who are depressed at Christmas. That was me last year, the year before, oh and the year before that. It probably would have happened again this year, however, just within this past month, I feel as though I finally have a medication that works for me. Again, 7 years of having it, and just having this past month working out for me is pretty much a miracle.

A couple years ago my friend introduced me to pain pills, at first to use recreational. Before I go any further, my parent's enrolled me in Catholic Primary school where I had a graduate class of 18. That's it. Alcohol never touched my tongue, those so called “drugs” people took were foreign to me and God forbid you even used the word “sex” at anytime, in fact it wasn't until I went to a public high school that I knew what that was. Yup! I was as secluded as a penguin in a rain forest.

So I tried the pill and I felt FANTASTIC. I had only done it once or twice, but it was always in the back of my head, how good those pills made me feel. Well within the past 2 years I was introduced to people who sold those pills in my area and quickly I became hooked. My mom kept asking me “ Are you on Xanax??” I would lie and say yes. Then she found my phone which I left at home and saw I was going out to buy something.... Yup! I was caught. She said your addicted to drugs. Me! No I am not! I don't do coke, I don't do heroin, I don't do crack or even smoke pot...to me Percocet was not a drug but a prescription. So off to the Psychologist where I had to own up to what I was doing. She suggested Suboxone. Great. Now I have to pay out of pocket for a doctor who didn't accept insurance, yet the first time I visited him, I felt great. Like I conquered the drug. Went home the next day comes and this time I feel MISERABLE. I am having side effects that wasn't even listed. And every expensive time I visited him, he would say “ Oh you need a higher dose” No dumb dumb. The more I take the worse I feel...

So I said screw that, took the suboxone and sold it to people like me trying to get off pills and used that money to go back and get more pills cause than I wouldn't feel sick. I hated lying to people and I tried to detox off myself and BOOM. Withdrawl of horrificness set in. Sooooo, off to the Psych. I go and I tell her I am back on pills and want off. She suggest a Methadone Clinic... I told her absolutely not. Just like I wouldn't go to bi-polar meetings, I wouldn't go to therapy sessions, and not to even think I'd go to a NA meeting. I was too embarrassed. I asked her to please just help me with the withdrawl symptoms and soon I had about 10 meds, costing me (with insurance) a good 150.00 and that was for 5 days.

She put me on .1mg of Clonidine. If you haven't heard about it, look into it. It is usually used for blood pressure, but it also is for opioid withdrawl, ADHD, and Anxiety. It became my miracle drug. I don't have the sweats, I have energy and for the first time looking forward to Christmas.

Ever here of the Winter Blues? Yup, Bi-Polar individuals suffer them the worst. You can't park your self on a beach or a lake. The thought of shoveling makes you want to rip your head off. Your stuck indoors with kids complaining. And your supposed to be in the Christmas Spirit? Right. I don't even listen to Christmas Music anymore, because I know at least with my Christmas will be pure misery. So trust me, to those who are dreading Christmas, I get it. I understand. Oh and all children should know that “Santa” does have a budget.

This year, I am not focusing on “Christmas”. I am focusing on getting together with friends,having a glass of wine, playing silly games like go fish or “Old Maid”. My Christmas has limited gifts. Were not doing stockings. We put some decorations up, but just because its my turn to host Christmas “Oh YAY”.

All I am saying, is that Christmas doesn't necessarily need to be traditional. If money is tight and you can't afford gifts, why not suggest to your children to make arts and crafts and send them to a school or a senior home. Instead of baking “homeade” cookies... Go to the store buy prepackaged, take them out of the box and put them on a plate and recycle that plastic away. Stop worrying about sending cards to people, Send a shout out on Facebook or a quick e-mail..there is always next year. Forget the Turkey and get some Chinese.

Don't get depressed about not fulfilling all of Christmas wishes. If your down on yourself, those around you will feel it and may bring them down. Instead, feel blessed you woke up this morning, that if you even have just 1 good friend its better than 20 acquaintances. Someone sent me a great quote saying: “I'd rather have 4 quarters than a 100 pennies”. Just count your blessings for what you have TODAY. Tomorrow will come and things may be different. You may feel different. But don't put yourself down about a day we call “Christmas”. Just think of how many people don't even celebrate it. Just have good cheer, joy, love and share with those you choose to.

For anyone interested on the medications I take and would like to discuss with their Dr. I will list them and tell you what it does for me.

.1mg Clonidine: Helps with ADHD, keeping my blood pressure at a stable level so I don't have panic attacks. I take it once in the morning and once at night.

.5mg Klonopin: For Anxiety. Once in the morning, Once in the Afternoon and 1MG at Night

400Mg Seroquel: For Bi Polar

I also have Ambien for days I can't sleep and Soma for when my back goes out.

These are the meds that help me and I would talk to your doctor if your interested in trying any of them out.

Also: For those of you on Facebook, please feel free to E-mail me if you want to talk. I'll send you my phone number and I am around 24/7 in case your in any crisis. Tomorrow I will be at my first Bi-Polar Meeting and I will be sure to tell you how that goes.

Love and Peace to All,

Katie