Good Morning,
Last night I was reading my blog and almost regretted admitting to my Percocet problem. I went to a speaker jam last night where they had NA and AA speakers. It was the first time going back to Malvern and to be sitting there as an alumni. Again, the place was packed and I was in AWE of the amount of young people sitting in those chairs. I am sure there were just as many when I was there, I just didn't notice it.
I am not proud of what happened to me. Dealing with depression became too difficult for me and I needed someone to ease the pain. Basically, I was stupid. However, that being said, being treatment taught me a new way of life. You see, the Percocet was not my problem. The problem was the underlying reasons, of why I felt I needed it.
I am not cured. There is no cure for addiction. I am in recovery. I am learning everyday to be patient, kind, non-judgemental, and to be humble. I am grateful for all I have in my life. The one thing I need to work on is forgiving myself. It still eats me up everyday. I have isolated myself from my old friends, petrified to see them. I am annoyed at what people are saying about me behind my back. I am struggling to get the trust back from my family. But I know it will come. I have a HUGE support system through the people who went through treatment with me. I'm litterally talking about 40 ppl that I am in touch with on a daily basis.
Soon things will get better. I am still depressed but I am learning how to deal with it day by day. I pray. I say my affirmations, I'm trying my best. I had an awesome counselor who taught me this saying of which I will have tattooed on my wrist soon enough: "Bless Them, Change Me". I say this 1,000,000,000 times a day.
Thank you for your continuous support. You all are so special to me and I thank you for not judging me and standing behind me.
Thank you.
Katie Q
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