Hello all! Last night was very very emotional to me. Someone from my BiPolar blog contacted me and told me he was going home to commit suicide. I had to call 911, and talk to the police to see if they could find that person. I gave him any different choices, such as go to the local ER and explain the situation or call his psychologist, or call a friend. Luckily, he didn't commit suicide, but is upset that people aren't paying more attention to him. I don't know if he was serious when he wrote to me, or looking for attention but it scared the shit out of me.
I write this blog as repay for me as well as hoping it helps others, but its quite frustrating when someone writes to me that they want to commit suicide and there is nothing I can do to help. I appreciate people reaching out to me and I am very willing to help, but threatening suicide, especially when I can't do anything, puts extreme guilt on me. What if I didn't get there on time or what if its a cruel way of just getting attention.
It scared the hell out of me when this happened. I really want to help others. I am so frustrated. I have been on a depression stretch. I don't know if its the weather here or the job search being so difficult, or the fact that I came clean on my life, now I am in the position of gaining trust from people all over again. Apologies are nothing but words, but I really want to gain the trust of people I have left down.
Sometimes I just want to go away to a rehab for life skills to work on my bipolar and substance abuse in the past. I just want to disappear for like 3 months, get my life together and come back or not come back at all. Right now, I have to deal with outpatient services, and go from there. There are days I wish I didn't wake up, I know how that feels like. But I would never put that on someone's shoulders and that's why I work with my psychologist, therapists, and take my meds every day.
I hope all is well with you all and if you ever feel like you do t deserve to live call 911, go to the ER room, call your psychologist and figure it out from there. People do care about you and love you.
Love one and all,
Katie Quinn
That kind of thing stays with you for ages. I had a similar thing happen when I was working in a call center - It made me a bit angry actually.
ReplyDeleteI mean I work so hard to be as responsible as I can be, to take care of myself so that I'm not a burden on others. I struggle every minute of every day with Bipolar disorder, ADHD, major depression, and now even agoraphobia... but I take my meds, I make sure I sleep every night (no matter what it takes), I do breathing exercises all the time so that I don't panic so much, I try to eat right, I have predetermined strategies in place with my husband for when I get really bad, and if all of that fails I call my doctor for help - I just do my best each day to get out of bed and take care of myself.
I do those things because that's what it takes to get by without burdening other people with my illness. It's hard work, but I'm certain that if I can do my best, so can anyone else.
I'm sorry you had to go through that extra stress. It's a horrible feeling. Just try not to let that feeling last too long.
You are a strong woman who can obviously cope with a lot more than you give yourself credit for! ;-)