When diagnosed with bipolar, they tell you to try to stay away from triggers. My triggers are lines in shopping malls or the grocery store. I have no patience for people with stupidity. For instance, I went to Target to pick up my moms medication. It was crowded but I was just glad I could pay for the one thing I needed at the Pharmacy. So already I have no patience due to the fact of long line, crowds, people who won't move their cart, people who just decide to chat with a neighbor in the middle of an aisle, you get what I mean.
Anyway, I get to the Pharmacy and some woman was taking her good old time, my frustration is at a 10 and the has the audacity to ask if B12 pills come in smaller tablets because she doesn' like taking horse pills. Then turns around and apologizes. Now, I know I should have patience and perhaps this woman really needed help, but these are the triggers that kill me every time I go shopping. I like to get in and out. When I go shopping especially why I had no patience to begin with, I feel like I need to be sedated or a bottle of Xanax to get me to go places like this.
The lack of patience is one of the worst parts of my bipolar disorder. I get this anger inside of me like if nothing goes my way, than to me I just want to hit a punching bag. This doesn't happen all at often but when it does, it's a nightmare. I a pain in the ass to speak with. I sarcastic and if people piss me off I can be down right mean. Like the devil has come through...
I try to avoid these triggers but come on, I have to eat right? I can't avoid the grocery store forever. And I love target, I could live in target...that is if there are no people. I don't have many triggers, but when stupidity happens...I just go off. I just want to be in my room, listening to music and not have to deal with people. Just leave me to my own escape.
What triggers do you have? I'm interested in what makes other people tick. Everyone has things that annoy them and not have a mental illness. Everyone has something that drives them crazy. I just happen to have a disease that makes it seem double the frustration.
I took 2 years of yoga in college, and then continued after. Problem is, I can't meditate. I always have racing thoughts. I love the exercises but I get frustrated that I can't get myself centered or calm. I mean 2 years of yoga you would think I would be able to calm myself down, but no. Just not for me.
I don't blame my bipolar for everything. I make stupid mistakes all the time just like everyone else. What I do blame my bipolar is my way of handling situations. I think that's a fair statement. I'm still learning my triggers and will continue to work on handling them or avoiding them all together.
Well tomorrow is New Years Eve. I wish everyone the best year ever. I look forward to get myself healthy and happy again. As always, love to hear your feedback.
Love One And All,
Katie Quinn
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