A condition with no cure....

I just spent the night with with a woman who like me, has a condition with no cure. This girl has a condition that has holes in her bladder and a disease that continues to deteriorate that. Se can't eat or drink certain foods or drinks and yet she is a trooper who refuses not to work, to get up and get out and all she dreams about is on her wedding day she feels ok. She has to get treatments that are so painful she forgets who she is or where she is, and yet each week she continues to go. She is my hero.

My disease has no cure. In fact my medication usually changes ever time I visit my therapist. It's a constant chance of will this work? The pain my girlfriend goes through is considered being like a stage 4 cancer. She won't die from the disease but for the rest of her life she will battle this disease.

What people don't understand is that I have severe pain too, although mine is mental. When I had my substance abuse problem, I was able to feel euphoria, at least to me, and feel like everyone else. The depression disappeared, I was able to get up and do things, and felt wonderful. Although it was a prescription, it's still something they don't give to people with bipolar and to this day I can't understand why. I understand the addictiveness, and I realize maybe people don't agree with it, but there has always been the discussion with marijuana and look how times are changing.

She is a hero in my eyes and how she deals with pain she has, I don't know. How she doesn't have depression, I don't know. But she is a strong wonderful woman and I wish I could be just as strong.
It's so hard to deal with diseases with no cure. Only treatments. Some painful, some tolerable.

I hope some day that their is more research done on bipolar and every other illness as well. I hope that there are days that I don't feel like putting one foot in front of the other wont be painful. That there are days I don't cry myself to sleep. Ad the one thing I wish most of all is that I can feel the same way everyday. Some days I'm strong and thing, I am gonna do this. And then the next day my brain says 'well that's stupid, what was I thinking??? I'll do this instead. It's like each day I feel a different way, and I HATE THAT!!!

I want to throw a party or something similar to raise money for bipolar awareness. I'm thinking of doing it with my girlfriend whom I was talking about earlier. If anyone could donate something for a silent auction it would be much appreciated and ill let you know where this mixer will be located. Maybe get the chance to meet you all.

Thank you and Love to One and All,

Katie Quinn