Hello all. I am sorry I have not been keeping up with this blog as daily as I had promised, but its been a frustrating week. I have been having a severe depression week. Including suicidal thoughts. Nothing is making me happy no matter how hard I try to put a smile on my face. I even went back to the substance I abused to see if it would help. Nothing. I've decided to go to outpatients therapy services one that will also help me keep me from running to substances when I feel suicidal, but also a clinic that deals with my bipolar. Unfortunately, the medication I have been on seems not to be working, at least not anymore.
I named this blog "BiPolar Success" well I have had some setbacks. No one trust me and let me tell you why. My mother constantly asked why I lie to her, but if I tell her the truth I get screamed at, if I lie, I get screamed at. So what's the point. I know I have hurt her and other members of my family and I apologize for that. But people do not understand the major mental pain I go through Morning and night. It can happen at anytime. But recently more often than less. Do you know what it feels like to wishing you never woke up at the age of 28? Or the fact I would love to be a mother but I still can't take care of myself? Or have people tell me its all in my head, and 'just get over it'. I may not have horrible physical pain that some have but the mental pain is unbearable. I would go into inpatient therapy, but I need to have some sort of life, Something. I want to work, I want to have a life, I want to find love but most of all I want the hurt to stop.
No I am not shooting up heroin or doing illegal activities, I would never do that. And I don't do this all the time, it's just not me. But the pain is horrible. Depression is horrible. So I am turning to you all for help.
Anyone who reads this that has severe depression not moderate, I am talking severe. As well as severe mental pain on a daily basis. Please contact me privately either through Facebook, or Katiequinn20@yahoo.com and please contact me on the medications you are currently on and dosage. Also Drs or clinics in PA please that you have heard that works. I could really use your help, before I do something stupid.
Love One and All,
Katie Quinn
Katiequinn20@yahoo.com
215-272-7609
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